My Capacity
by Namine09
Summary: Uuuuuh...in all reality, I have no idea how to even begin going about describing what this is lol  Pretty much a girl wakes up in a mental institute and finds out that everything she thought was real was all in her head to cope with stresses.
1. Chapter 1

The first thing that I remember is humming, very soft humming that seemed to be coming from somewhere in my room. Had the radio turned on? No it couldn't have…there wasn't any school today; it was Saturday, so my alarm shouldn't have been turning on. There wasn't even a television in my room, so it wasn't like it could be a show or music video filling my room from my absentmindedness in turning it off the night before. So where was that humming coming from?

Like a child, I pulled my covers higher over my head as if that would be enough to protect me. Whatever it was, it was coming from behind me, at my window, and I wasn't in the mood to look and see something standing beyond the curtains. Though it wasn't threatening sounding, it was definitely a male's voice and…that only made me more jumpy.

If my heart hadn't been pounding so loud in my ears I actually might have been able to recognize who it was, but since my frazzled mind was only thinking of the fact that it was the middle of the night and there was a random boy somewhere near my window, I wasn't exactly being my usual logical self.

Working up enough childish courage just to peek over my shoulder, I pulled the comforter down just enough to expose my widened brown eyes and look over to the window. I couldn't see him well at first; I always slept with my fan on the highest setting and it caused the curtains to blow about. First I saw black hair, and it reminded me of the curtains being blown about. It moved about his face with the wind from the fan, only exposing parts of his face at a time, but when I saw his eyes I wasn't afraid. I knew them…they were blue, a deep set blue, and when the curtains blew again I could see a smile on his face.

"It's about time you finally looked…"

His voice was enough to slow my heart down: I knew him, but how had he gotten to my window? It was open and he was sitting on the sill with his back against the window's edge, one leg dangling. Though I knew who he was, his age was all wrong. And…why was I in my house back in Charleston? School…I'd thought of school, but…I didn't go to school anymore, least of all here.

I quickly sat up, causing even his eyes to widen as my hands moved up to my face and into my short, barely shoulder length, curly hair. What was going on? Sadly the first thing I did was pull the collar of my shirt and look down at my chest…yep, there they were, but they were still Cs and I was well into Ds by now.

"What are you doing…?"

I ignored him and tentatively moved my fingers to my lower back, for once actually praying that the scars were there…but my fingers only ran over smooth untarnished skin. No…that meant I couldn't be older than fourteen, what was going on? Well I suppose that explained his young appearance as well, but it still didn't make any sense!

"D-Dax…why are you here? Why aren't you in prison?"

He only laughed, as if I was the one that was out of place…well I suppose I was, but I knew what was what and this wasn't it! This wasn't how things were supposed to be! Even though I reveled in the thought of him no longer being locked up unfairly, I still didn't like what was going on…his laughing didn't make it any better,

"Why would I be in prison?"

I breathed out a sound in disbelief, eyes focused on him as much as possible through the blowing curtains.

"B-Because!"

He laughed again and I could tell he was only growing more and more amused by how I was acting,

"Well that's a reasonable answer."

"Be quiet! Stop laughing!"

He only laughed more. Dammit! I wasn't used to this new cocky attitude…well, I was sometimes, but not all of the time!

"Jeez I go through all the trouble to sneak out of my _own _house to come see you, and now you act like this and expect me _not _ to laugh? Ha."

I'm sure my heart skipped a beat.

"You…snuck out of your house?"

"Don't act like it's so uncommon…I'm thirteen, not five. Though I could have done it then."

Again with that smirk. Yes yes you're a confident genius, I get it. It did lighten me slightly, but I didn't want to be lightened!

"Wait wait so your parents are there….they're there?"

Please don't say what I'm sure you're going to say…it was cruel to wish death on someone else's parents, but it was all I had to grasp onto for reality,

"Well yeah…I mean they'll be away again soon, but for now they're here."

His smile slowly faded, as if he was finally grasping the situation at hand. His eyes, where they had been filled with amusement and some other deep set emotion, were now edging into worry,

"Shana are you ok? You're acting…off."

"N-No I'm not ok…"

He hopped off of the windowsill and moved over to my bed that was really just a mattress on the floor, and sat on the edge of it, young eyes studying my very scared face.

"…did you have a nightmare?"

I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat and shook my head, moving my thumb to my ring finger to push my engagement and wedding rings closer to my knuckle…but there was nothing to push down. No…My eyes quickly shifted down to my ringless finger and a weak sound pulled from me, bringing fresh tears along with it.

"Where's my ring…? Wh-where's my goddamn ring?"

His hands found my face and turned it to look at him, but I only shook my head weakly as tears moved over his fingers. He was looking at my eyes, and he was an uber genius so God only knows what symptoms or problems he might have been looking for in them,

"Do you want me to wake up your mother? You look like you're about to have a panic attack…"

My eyes closed tightly, only causing more tears to stream down my cheeks that he gently stroked away with his thumbs,

"I-I can't find my rings…I-I can't find them…what happened to them?"

"Shana you don't wear rings…I think you just had a nightmare."

"N-No they're my rings, he gave them to me!"

There was silence for just a moment, but it was long enough for me to open my eyes and desperately call out to him with them. His own looked scared…as if he was watching his friend slowly slip away, but I wasn't slipping away, I was trying to pull back into what was real!

"Who gave you a ring?"

His voice was gentle, sincere, but I could tell he was only indulging in what he believed was a fantasy of mine,

"What do you mean 'who'? K-Kale! The person who's the only reason I even knew you were alive! The person I married last spring! M-My husband!"

Something in him seemed to twinge with a…not good emotion, but I didn't have time to try and pinpoint it right now. We were at a mutual understanding for how Dax felt for me, it was something no one really spoke about, but that flicker in his eyes was something completely different than what I was used to.

"Wh-Where is he? Tell me where he is!"

There wasn't time to just be sitting here in bed! This wasn't even my bed! Not anymore, my bed was in Scarborough and was supposed to be occupied by the man I was in love with!

"Shana…who's Kale?"


	2. Chapter 2

I don't know what look overtook my features, but it was enough for his eyes to widen and his face to mar with fear as he wrapped his arm around my lower back. It was good that he did because I'm sure that I would have fallen over if he hadn't.

"Shit…"

His eyes weakened and closed and his arm wrapped more around me to pull me into his chest where I readily hid my face. Tears instantly soaked through his shirt accompanied by harsh sobs. No…this couldn't be happening, it wasn't happening. My hands gripped at his shirt tightly, but my strength was nothing in comparison to what it would be in the future. No…no it was nothing in comparison to what it was _now_…Kale wasn't the future, he was the present!

Though he was lightly shushing me and running his fingers through my hair, it did nothing to soothe me down and soon I was beating against his chest with a tight fist. He merely sat there and let me do so, showing no signs that I was hurting him at all, though I doubted that I was from how weakly my fist was moving.

"….no….no, you're lying to me!"

I tried to pull back so I could run, I didn't know where I'd run, with how desperate I was I'm sure that I could have made it all the way to Maine without stopping if that's what it took to see him again. But his arm locked around me, not letting me get away,

"N-No…Shana you need to calm down-"

"I-I don't need to calm down! Y-You let me go!"

His face lowered into my hair and I could feel his unsteady breathing through my hair…it seemed like he was crying. Why was _he _crying? He hadn't just had his entire world ripped away from him! I had! But the sound of his voice showed me just how exhausted he was; as if this was something he was used to but was slowly starting to become tortured from…

"W-Why do you keep having this dream?"

What in the world was he talking about? Still, I was affected by that voice…a voice that seemed to be begging someone, anyone that would listen.

"W-What dream? I-I'm not having a dream…"

But was I? Oh please let it be a dream…

"Y-You keep dreaming it…th-they'll never let you out if you keep insisting it's real…baby please…"

Baby? Baby? I quickly shook my head and used every ounce of strength that I had to rip away from him and run to my door, but it was locked. Why was my door locked? What was going on? My head tipped up and I saw a small square window in my door…why was there a window in my door?

"O-Open the door! Open the goddamned door!"

But it was no use, even after I kicked at it and punched until my knuckles were raw, I knew there was no way I'd be able to get it to budge. I quickly moved to my still open window but my breathing cut short as I moved under the curtains and looked out…expecting to see the next door neighbor's house and being met with a wall not even a foot away.

My hands reached out through the window and my fingers only met with the wall. Even as I pushed at it in hopes that it would give way, I was met with the horrible realization that it was solid, concrete, sturdier even than the door. My sleeve was forced back when it ran along the window's edge and my eyes fell on the plastic wristband that acted more like a handcuff than an actual identification band.

"Please don't try and pull it off this time…"

I quickly spun around and he was standing directly behind me, eyes weak and begging, probably about as tortured as mine were as he reached out to brush my hair back, but I flinched away from him.

"Where did you put me…wh-what the hell did you do?"

My hand quickly slapped across his cheek right over the scar, but I didn't feel guilty, not even when he let his head be turned from the hit…but there were tears streaming from his own eyes, and my heart did ache when I saw them fall into the scar. I had to move my eyes away, but they flickered to the door as it opened. A man dressed all in white was standing there, filling over half of the doorway with his height and muscle. I knew him…!


	3. Chapter 3

"L-Lee! H-Help, what's happening?"

I ran to him but his large hands gripped my shoulders and held me firmly; cerulean eyes staring into mine with barely a hint of the brotherly love that I was so used to. Still I begged him,

"H-Help…"

His eyes stayed with mine, but he spoke past me to the other,

"Dax…you need to leave the room."

"I-I can't, not yet…you said I could stay."

"It's not my order, it's her doctor's."

What were they talking about? My eyes moved under Lee's arm and I saw the sitting room (table room, I'm bad with how the layout is, so this might need correcting T_T) of the mental institute behind him. They continued speaking as if I wasn't even there…my eyes stayed transfixed on the setting of the mental institute that I'd visited so many times,

"W-Why is he making me leave? Sh-She was getting better…!"

"I don't give the orders, I just follow them…but you can request another meeting with him if you want."

"Th-That's not good enough! I-Is he here?"

Lee's eyes moved away for a moment, he was an orderly, it wasn't his place to go this in depth about patients, even ones that he'd grown an attachment to…why was that knowledge filling my head as if I'd always known it?

"He's…here, yes, but she's relapsing and he wants to talk to her first."

I'd had enough of this! The moment I felt Lee's fingers ease on my shoulders I ducked under his arm and sprinted as fast as I could, but only made it about ten feet before I slammed into somebody, causing both of us to topple over.

"I-I'm sorry."

I quickly got on my knees to stand but froze when I saw who it was that I'd knocked down. I could count on him…he was smart, very smart, he'd know what to do, he must have been here to help me! I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck before he had a chance to sit up and sobbed into his name,

"P-Prosper! W-We have to go home!"

But he didn't move, he stayed there frozen and it seemed like a full minute before his fingers touched through my hair. It wasn't the familiar touch I was used to…it was guarded, almost reluctant, as if he shouldn't be touching me at all,

"Shh…try and calm down Shana."

But I couldn't calm down, I was practically shaking, and my brother in law was all that I had left to cling on to. My fingers dug into his shirt and I feared that I might cut off his breathing from how tightly my arms were wrapped and how hard I was pressing myself to him,

"Let's talk about Oakdale…"

Finally! Someone that knew what was going on! Someone that could help me! I heard footsteps approaching, footsteps far too controlled and fluid to be anyone other than Lee,

"Dr. McCoy…do you need me to lift her up?"

My heart froze…doctor, doctor? McCoy? There was no struggle when I was removed from him; I don't even think that I knew how to properly work any of my limbs in that moment. He wasn't a doctor; he was my brother in law and if anyone in this place would know where Kale was it would be him! His towering height was comforting, but the sadness in his eyes was not, as the green locked onto my brown.

"Do you want to sit down with me hmm? See if we can't find out what's wrong?"

He offered me a small smile, but it wasn't returned and held less comfort for me than those studying eyes did. This wasn't happening; I must be dreaming, nightmaring…nightmaring like Kale did every night. Kale…My voice was a weak attempt, hoarse from screaming and cracked from tears,

"T-Tell me where he is…"


	4. Chapter 4

This false Prosper raised his eyebrows in question and my own eyes moved away.

"Come on, let's go sit down Shana. Do you want to go to my office or do you want to go-"

"I want to go home!"

He breathed out slowly, not even seeming to be offended that I'd just harshly cut him off,

"And where is home?"

That in itself was a trick question. If I was truly fourteen years old then that meant that home was in Charleston, South Carolina…but if I was to stay locked in the present then there was only one place that home was, and it was wherever he was…and right now he was in Scarborough,

"I…home is in Scarborough…Maine."

And there it was, that same look that I'd seen from Dax when he heard me make my first passionate mention of Kale. What did that look mean? Pity? Fear? Remorse? Guilt? Probably all of them…

"Home is in Scarborough Shana?"

I weakly nodded my head: Prosper was smart but so was I and I wasn't going to let him trick me! He didn't even seem like he believed me! All around us there were patients going about their business, nurses watching, in case Lee would need aid I'm sure, but his hands were no longer touching me though I could feel his presence no more than two feet behind me. He knew I was fast, of course he did: he trained me!

"Let's go sit in my office for now, all right? Or do you want to go back to your room to talk?"

"That's not my room…"

He said nothing to that, though his eyes moved away with that same damned emotion again as he gestured down towards where I knew there would be an office…but that was because I visited all of them here, not because I belonged here! It wasn't as if there was much else I could do, and he seemed to know about our school so following him was my best offer.

"Dax, would you please come too?"

My eyes quickly flickered to Dax who was still in the doorway of my room exactly where he'd been after I'd tried to flee…and he didn't look like he was planning on leaving anytime soon. I don't know why that eased me as much as it did, but it did, and when he was at my side I felt a breath escape that I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. I was used to being the one comforting him, watching over him…not the other way around.

"C-Can he stay the whole time…?"

Something in his desperate eyes weakened with relief when I said that and that relief was coupled with gratefulness when Prosper nodded his head,

"He can stay with us for as long as you allow him to, of course."

"Good…"

Good. Both of us followed, and I felt myself shrink down and lean into him when he moved his arm protectively around my shoulders. It was good to at least still have the familiarity of my friend…but where was Kale, what the hell had they done with him?! Every so often, even after we were seated in the office, I looked over my shoulder as if he would burst in at any moment and just steal me away from here. If this was how Prosper and Lee were going to be –strangers that only cared because they were paid to- then we didn't need them…Even deep within me I knew that wasn't true…I need them, but not as much as I needed him, and he wasn't here!

Fingers moving up into his hair for just a moment, Prosper leaned on one of his knees from his chair, eyes genuinely smiling at me,

"Now, why is Scarborough home?"

My lips parted and my heart pounded on, but I couldn't let myself get built up this quickly…not while I was still free from being held down or sedated,

"I-It's home because that's where I live…I live there with-"

Well, obviously not with Prosper and Lee since they were denying things so strongly,

"…my husband."

_Your _brother. Dax's fingers, still protectively on my shoulder, now gripped a little but by the time my eyes flashed up to him they were relaxed again…but he wouldn't look at me. His jaw was slightly locked in that way that people did when they were trying not to cry…his eyes were hardened, determined not to let anymore tears escape.

"Your husband, Shana?"

I forced my eyes back to him and nodded almost shakily,

"And your husband is Kale?"

Enough of this bullshit!

"Yes with Kale! H-He's my husband, he's your brother!"

And again there was that pitying sadness in his eyes!

"Shana…honey, I don't have a brother, I don't have any siblings."

Something in me snapped as I lunged from the seat towards him, gripping tightly to the armrests of his chair, my face mere inches away from his…and I saw actual fear in his eyes as I screamed,

"Don't you ever say that again! I-If you ever say that again I'll knock the shit out of you! You better pray to God that he never finds out you said that!"

But that was all I had time to get out before I was ripped away from him. It must have been Dax; my arms were blocking off Prosper's only way to press the button on his phone to call for an orderly.

"Get off me!"

His arms only locked tighter, one high and one lower and he successfully pulled me back into his lap, locking one of his legs to keep me there. How the hell had Dax, Dax Praxx, overpowered _me_?! Still I spit my words at him,

"You bastard! Fuck you!"

He wasn't Prosper; I didn't know who this cunt was!

"Shana if you don't calm down I'm going to have to have you restrained…you're already going to be isolated for the night."

And then I spit at him, hitting him right on the chin. That cunt had denied his own brother, his brother! His brother who'd shatter if he ever found out that he'd denied him…fuck him! Still, he remained calm as he took a tissue and wiped my spit from his face…but I had plenty more that I could send.

"Shana…stop."

My God he was patient, and it just pissed me off more! How could he be so calm?! I jerked in Dax's arms, trying desperately to get back to Prosper…one good smack, that's all I'd need, and I never thought I'd want to hit him…No! I arched my back harshly, trying with all my might to get away from him,

"B-Baby stop!"

"St-Stop it! Stop calling me that!"

The weak sob that pulled from him was enough to get me to stop for a moment, I wasn't used to hearing him get upset like that and I'd only experienced it on rare occasions…a flash of him being transferred to the prison was my cruel reminder. I found my voice again, and though it was quieter and slightly more contained, it still held a slight harshness that wasn't fair for him,

"Y-You were the one in here…n-not me."


End file.
